Kruger and the Techie
by une belle princesse
Summary: Kruger and his crew come to Elysium for a routine weapons upgrade. He sets his sights on a new, very attractive female engineer, who acts like she has no interest in him, while in all honesty, she just may. Hilarity and shenanigans ensue. Rated M for language and mature themes. Also posted on under my pseudonym unebelleprincesse1489 on archive of our own!
1. Fear

**Kruger and the Techie**

 **Hi there, fanfic readers! Welcome to my first published work here!**

 **I recently watched** ** _Elysium_** **and became reminded of how entertained I was by the character of Kruger, despite his, ahem, personality defects, to put it mildly. For myself, and judging by the fanfics up here already, Kruger alone made that movie entertaining.**

 **So, after reading the many Kruger fics here, and seeing the movie again, I came up with this idea—where Kruger sets his sights on a female weapons tech in the admin offices of Elysium. I think this should be a somewhat fresh topic, considering there aren't too many fics where Kruger pursues a woman only to be rebuffed.**

 **Don't worry though! This doesn't end badly for the tech…she gives Kruger hell…**

 **I don't know Afrikaans, so I Googled South African slang, so please let me know if the slang is wrong.**

 **Agents Kruger, Drake, Crowe and Elysium and all related canon are**

 **property of Neill Blomkamp, et. al. This work is purely for entertainment purposes, no copyright infringement is intended!**

 **Without further ado, as the French would say, Bonne lecture!**

 **(PS, leave comments)**

 **Chapter 1—Fear**

 **Elysium Administrative Offices, 8 am EST**

It's a lovely morning on Elysium, as it always is, and the government offices of the torus are getting ready for the day's workload. It's going to be an exceptionally busy day for the armory division. For the past month or so, the many individual agents of the CCB have been coming in for their routine bi-annual weapons maintenance, and also upgrading and training on the new technology the engineers have designed.

According to their calendar, the department is on their last group of agents, who, since they are a group, have had the next two days reserved for the needed improvements. However, the department boss, Sergei, upon looking at the department's schedule, is all of the sudden anxious, which is rare for the normally chill, go with the flow engineer.

Two of the newest techs, Yelena Ivanovskaya and Paolo Peireida, come in seeing their supervisor's odd behavior.

After looking at each other, perplexed, Paolo is the first to inquire about their boss's demeanor. "Hey Boss Man, what's up? Did somebody give you an extra espresso shot this morning? I told you to tone down on your caffeine intake. You're pacing in here like a caged animal."

"Our appointment roster for the next two days….the last team that's coming in…the ones you two are assigned to train on the new tech...it's going to be horrible…" Sergei stutters out.

"Yeah, so what of it?" Yelena pipes up. "That means we're two days away from getting back to doing our usual security droid maintenance and general R&D. I mean, the past few weeks haven't been too fun, with the revolving door of agents, bu-"

"BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Sergei interrupts. "What's coming here, is nothing like anything else you two have ever experienced…they always make a mess of our facilities, and they are the most barbaric, horrid trio to ever set foot on Elysium. Their barbarism has served them well on their assignments on Earth, so it's no wonder why Secretary Delacourt favors them."

"Well how bad could they be? There are only three of them." Paolo reassures Sergei, while guiding him to his chair.

"If Secretary Delacourt prefers them as her top team, I'm sure they're professional, more than the other assortment of psychos and weirdos we've had to deal with for the past month." Yelena adds, bringing Sergei a bottle of water. "Checking here in the book, Agents Kruger, Drake and Crowe should be arriving at 1100, so we better get the tools and new equipment ready. The other junior techs should be arriving soon."

As Yelena and Paolo, the two junior techs in charge of particular training session, are making the preparations, Sergei, who usually would be helping out with setting things up, is reduced to a shaking mess in his chair. He says softly to the young twentysomethings, too low for them to actually hear, "You two have absolutely no idea of what is coming here. You will soon find out why we had a mass hiring here about two years ago…"

With time ticking by, the other junior techs, mostly engineers and physicists, come filtering in, taking note of the state of their normally jovial boss, and wondering what his problem is today.

 ** _Two and a half hours later…_**

"Okay, I think we're as ready as we're ever going to get, guys." Paolo yells across the lab.

In the two hours that have passed, Sergei, has recovered, somewhat, so he can direct his techies on how to best prepare for Kruger and Co.

"Yelena, Paolo, according to the surveillance tower, the Raven, Kruger's ship, left Earth about five minutes ago. That means their ETA is about 20 minutes. As the leads on this consult session, you two better make your way to the arrival deck and meet up with them. We need to come off as professional."

"Of course Sergei." Yelena replies. "Don't we always?"

"It's not that, Yelena. It's just that this group, I don't know how to put this…they are the worst sort of scoundrels. Best piece of advice, don't show any fear. Also, you may want to wipe off your lip stain. If you had more time to spare, I'd suggest going home and changing out of that sweater and jeans you have on into something less formfitting. These guys are a bit lecherous…"

"And I'm not attractive? Who says they won't be attracted to me? I think it's unfair to assume they'd just be attracted to Yel here." Paolo jokes, only to be ignored by his boss and Yelena.

"Aren't they all?" Yelena continues. "Come on, I've been hit on by some of the other agents that have come in already. I know how to handle myself around scary guys with guns at this point."

"Aaand she grew up in Boston and got her Bachelor's and Masters in Materials Engineering at MIT before getting the job offer up here. I think with that experience alone, that qualifies her as a ball bustin' bitch." Paolo replies laughing, with Yelena flipping him off. "Case in point, Big S."

"Get going you two. And remember, don't exhibit any fear around these three." Sergei says, dismissing them, and possibly sending them to their doom.

"We'll be back soon, Boss. There's nothing to be worried about!" Yelena shouts leaving the lab.

In the hallway, Yelena and Paolo walk in silence, and after a minute or two, Yelena breaks the silence.

"So Paolo, I'm a 'ball bustin' bitch', huh? You know, with you growing up in LA and going to school in San Fran, and those places being a lot more violent than Boston, I think you're more of a badass motherfucker than I am."

"Is this you conceding that I may be better than you at something? Humility suits you, Yel."

"Fuck off." She snorts. "Why do you think Sergei was acting so weird today? I mean, these CCB agents are scary fuckers, like that guy that looked like he stepped out of a Mad Max movie, decked out with the chains and all, but Sergei didn't even bat an eye at him. Come to think of it, he was actually sort of friendly with that guy."

"Don't know. All I know is, if these guys are Delacourt's darlings, like Sergei says, I don't want to fuck this up and get sent back to Earth. Getting this job was like hitting the lotto. You and I both know they seldom take professionals from Earth to join their ranks and be given citizenship." Paolo whispers.

"No shit. That's why I think we're going to be as professional as we can be, so if something does happen, we can't be shit-canned for not doing our jobs to the best of our abilities. And as much as I love Boston, it's gotten worse in the past few years, much like the rest of the planet-I can't go back. If I maintain a good track record here, I'm thinking in a few years time, I can get my mother up here and get her MS treated, if it isn't too late by then. So I have A LOT riding on this, Paolo." Yelena murmurs.

Soon enough, the two young engineers approach the doors the transit bays.

"You ready Paolo?"

"We'll see. Hey, maybe this is just an elaborate prank the Boss Man is playing on us? Maybe these guys aren't as scary as he's making them out to be."

 **To be continued…(Kruger and his boeties will make their appearance next chapter…mwahahahah)**


	2. Maybe They are That Bad

**Chapter 2-Maybe They are That Bad…**

 **Transit Dock D-19**

As Yelena and Paolo approach the deck of the transit bay, they see the Raven coming in.

"Man, what a piece of shit ." Paolo says over the roar of the engines.

 ** _Inside the Raven…_**

"Ok baas, we're docking now!" Crowe shouts from the cockpit.

"Alright boets, get yer gear and yer rubbers ready. The grootwiel doesn't know what's coming!" Kruger laughs maniacally. "Let's see who the nerds sent to greet us this time."

Looking on the monitor screen onto the deck in front of them, Drake whines, "Ah man, that cute blonde with the nice ass isn't here. I thought for sure I had her wrapped around my finger two years ago. She gave me her comm number and everything."

"And she never responded to any of yer messages. Besides, Drakey, that red head on the landing deck is a sexy thing. With the glasses and the lekker anties—"

"And I call dibs on that one, boets!" Kruger says jovially. "It's as if the human resources department here knows exactly what I like. I've always had a thing for the sexy nerd types. They tend to be complete nymphos."

"Man, baas, you always get dibs…" Crowe moans.

"That's cuz I'm the meanest here, and cuz I have the biggest dick here. Ya know, survival of the fittest and all that kak." Kruger snorts.

"Well, Crowe, I'm sure there are plenty of secretaries we can pick and choose from." Drake says, patting Crowe's shoulder.

 ** _Back to the landing deck…_**

"Well, the engines have shut off. Now let's see what Sergei is so scared of…" Yelena says lowly.

As she finishes her sentence, the hatch to the ship opens, and what she and Paolo see, and hear, takes them aback.

"Hey boet, hey galiefde! Howzit?" Kruger shouts, waving at them.

Leaning to Yelena, Paolo murmurs "What the hell is he speaking? Did the computer seriously assign us to guys that don't speak English?"

Whispering, Yelena responds, "Well, judging by the flag on the side, I'm going to say South African. Don't worry, English is one of their official languages, which means they more than likely speak it."

"That's not what I'm worried about. Shit, does that dude have a katana on his back? Fuck me, I can see why Sergei was frightened—"

"Shhh. Remember, professional, Paolo. Hi, how are you, Agent…?"

"Kruger's the name, girlie." Kruger says as he struts over. "And those two no good sons of whores are Drake and Crowe." Gesturing to his two comrades.

"I'm Yelena Ivanovskaya, and this is Paolo Peireida. We're the engineers that will be taking care of you guys for the next few days."

"Oh, I'm sure you will, bokkie…" Kruger says, all the while ogling at the young woman's bosom.

"Ok, well, how about we get you guys down to the lab and get things started." Paolo says, trying to break the awkward scene in front of him.

"Lead the way boykie! Come on boets, we can't be holding our dicks all day!" Kruger booms.

As the five of them leave the transit bay, heading back to the lab, the three mercenaries are chattering and wolf whistling to the women passing by. Paolo murmurs to Yelena, "I think they're worse than Sergei let on...look at them…the Mad Max extra dude wasn't this bad. And what the hell are they speaking?"

"I'm pretty sure it's Afrikaans. I took some German classes in college, and what they're speaking sounds a lot like that, so that's what I'm basing it on."

"So if the shit completely hits the fan, if it hasn't already, you can half-ass translate? That's lovely. And they're pervy, Yel. Did you see how that Kruger guy was looking at you?"

"It's no worse than the stares I used to get being one of the few girls walking around MIT. I'm sure they'll calm down once we get started with the task at hand."

All of the sudden, a hellacious belch comes from behind them. The two young engineers turn to look behind them.

"Crowe, fokken hell! We're in the presence of a lady here!" Kruger shouts, feigning gentility, and not so subtly winking at Yelena, to which she rolls her eyes.

"Well, I did have a case of beer last night, baas. * **burp** * You know I drink and play some music when I * **burarp*** don't have company and get * **bup*** lonely. That's the only way I can release my anxiety, if you catch my ***hic*** drift." Crowe says, with mini burps coming out at the end.

"Wait, you piloted a cruiser, hungover?" Paolo shrieks, horrified, ignoring the second part of Crowe's statement.

"No, he's still shitfaced. It's no big deal, bru. Crowe's a professional." Drake drawls out.

Witnessing the exchange, and getting frustrated with all of the idiocy around her, Yelena couldn't help but let her inner bitch out, if only to possibly calm down the testosterone storm around her.

"So, you're saying Crowe spends his downtime polishing his flute? A musician _and_ a pilot, that's pretty freakin' impressive." As soon as the sentence came out of her mouth, Yelena knew she was fucked. _This is what happens when you say shit with no filter, Yel_ , she thinks to herself.

Then there was silence, all four men were staring at her, three of those stares being unreadable, and the only interpretation she could gather was she was about to meet her doom. Time seems to have stopped, until Kruger, Drake, and Crowe burst out laughing like hyenas, doubled over, with passersby looking on and picking up the pace to escape the scene in front of them.

"Oooh, I like you, bokkie." Kruger finally says, after catching his breath. "You weren't raised here on Elysium, were ya? I can tell. All of these Elysian meisies are uptight, fragile, little things. So where ya from, girlie?"

Shocked at this turn of events, for a moment ago, she thought she was going to die, she pauses.

"Well, galiefde? Ya didn't answer my question yet." Kruger teases.

" Oh, yeah, I born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. I got invited for a job here after finishing grad school at MIT."

"Well that's no shock. All of you Boston girlies are mouthy and cuss like sailors. I knew there was something about ye. I think we're going to get on quite well." Kruger purrs, while he's not so secretly taking Yelena's tall, curvy form in.

At this, Yelena internally rolls her eyes, and they all begin to head to the armory again, and when she turns her head to look back at the three mercenaries, Kruger is looking right at her, occasionally winking or waggling his eyebrows.

Internally, Yelena groans and begins considering the situation she's in.

 _Seriously? I thought after coming up here I'd be respected for my mind a little more. Ugh, why is he looking at me like that? He reminds me of that old movie "Crocodile Dundee" a bit, except he's South African, and much, much pervier. Ugh, God, why does he keep looking at me like that? It doesn't help that he's good looking, in a roguish sort of way…NO, I am absolutely NOT going there. He's a chauvinistic pig that is also getting me slightly aroused. Shit I better not be blushing. You're 26, dammit, get it together! Shit, I never thought of the walk back to the armory being so long._

Soon enough, however, not as quickly as Yelena, and probably Paolo, would have liked, given their present company, they arrive at the armory. Needless to say, as they enter the lab, they are hit with some relief of being somewhere familiar, with plenty of witnesses. When the three South Africans enter, though, the chatter of the lab shrieks to a halt. Everyone is staring, and Sergei, the Senior Engineer, fights the urge to run, and is frozen in his spot in front of the 3D printer.

Drake breaks the awkward silence "Who fokken died?"

"I think they're in awe because they're in the presence of our greatness, boets." Kruger beams.

"Where's the shitter? I gotta ***barprapap*** drain the lizard. Or should I say the _flute_?" Crowe whines.

 **Okay guys, I'm not sure if I'll continue this or not. I think it a lot of it depends on your feedback, and also if I keep coming up with good scenarios and one-liners. I'm hoping I won't burn out too quickly though, I'm having fun with this so far.**


End file.
